But Think Of The Puppy

This morning I had a mission at the Apple store: to get my iPhone screen fixed, and get it fixed for free. Yeah, yeah, I know it's not that expensive to replace the screen but I've heard stories of pretty girls who show their cleavage getting it done for free "just this once". So I put on one of my favorite dresses, kicked the make-up up a notch and went on my way.

I was greeted by a very nice young woman who asked me what was wrong. I was hoping for a tech geek nerd guy but this woman had a LesBeFriends vibe about her, so I knew I'd be okay. I can lay it on real thick for the ladies, about as thick as the eyeliner ONLY ON THE BOTTOM PART OF HER EYE this woman was sporting. Telltale sign a gal bats for the same team, FYI. Fun fact, it's also a great way to tell if a guy is into emo music. Anyway, I give her my sob story.

Her: Oh dear, what happened?

Me: I... I was chasing after my friend's puppy (it actually got knocked off my boyfriend's backyard table but whatever).

Her: Oh no. If only we could replace the screen.

Me: Yeah... if on... wait, what?

So apparently with the NEW phones you have to replace the whole phone, not just the screen. Goddamn Apple. But I could get a very discounted rate, you know, because of the puppy, so I'll just end up doing that. I would have done it today but all those pictures I take of said cleavage aren't backed up. Details.

Make Disco Dance

This post goes out to my friends Jonah and Kathryn - Jonah is recovering very well in the hospital from surgery, and Kathryn is by his side, making him feel good. These two have always made me laugh even when the universe sometimes doesn't give us much to laugh about. So for them, I present Disco the Parrot. Disco don't take shit, loves music, and is extremely amusing. Enjoy.

Ode To MSNBC

Hey guys, it's been a while! I had a lot going on but I'm back and I can't wait to share with you the best video of the weekend. This is Tamron Hall, and this is her giving a guest a big heaping spoon of STFU. Now, I don't know what your politics are, and when Bill O'Reilly pulls this s@#t it gets tiresome, but what I love about her is this is how I always want to react when I watch these professional news spinners try to weave webs around the show they're invited on. Meet Washington Examiner reporter Timothy Carney. He had a little agenda of his own for being on the show, and Ms. Hall wasn't buying it.



Yup, I wouldn't want to piss her off. I gotta say, I kind of love MSNBC. When their anchors aren't doing folksy promos comparing pastries to conservatives, they're giving a man like Chris Hayes his own show. For those of you that don't know, my weekends have been vastly improved with the addition of Up With Chris Hayes and Melissa Harris Perry. I highly recommend watching both.

So, keep on keeping on, MSNBC. Just go easy with those folksy promos - I can take a lot of Maddow but there's only so much of her I can take in front of random national treasures.

Of Shows and Pants

There's been a lot of heated conversation focused around that new HBO show Girls. Shoot, I found myself in the middle of a drag out fight with three friends in a hotel room in LA last weekend about identity, feminism and race in relation to the first episode. One of my lady castmates loved it and thought it was socially important, the other lady castmate and her brother had a major problem with the the production in regards to race and social commentary, and I agreed with all of them, while at the same time not really wanting to get into a fight. It's not because I don't like conflict - I LOVE a good pillowfight between friends (AMIRITE LADIES???) but truthfully, I think we all need to be talking about another show that's not getting its due credit. The show is on MTV and it's called I Just Want My Pants Back.

I'm not kidding. You want to see a real show about hipsters that is both edgy and tongue in cheek, but isn't as grating as watching someone scrape their nails against a chalk board? This is your show. Jessi Klein, a very prominent female comedian, writes a lot of their episodes, and if I've been listening correctly WOMEN COMEDY WRITERS ARE SUDDENLY SO HOT RIGHT NOW. So, where's her credit for making me laugh out loud at characters I should, and normally would, hate? It's because the show isn't just about a bunch of kids in Williamsburg. Rather, it focuses on relationships. I always tell my improv class that while locations and situations are very important, a scene is nothing without strong personal relationships. I Just Want My Pants Back manages to balance that line, and do it well.

Now, I really, really wanted to hate this show, I can't stress that enough. First of all, I'm 36, I refuse to step foot in Williamsburg (anymore), and I haven't turned on MTV since they showed actual videos at 5am when I'd get home from my bartending shifts ten years ago. Yes, I was these people in the show. Ten years ago. So, why should this program be interesting to me? And I mean, would you look at this promo shot?

Jesus Christ, it's like if you searched Getty images for "Annoying Kids Acting Like Tourists From Omaha on a NYC Train" circa 1970. Don't you really want to hate these people? But here's the thing - the actors do a great job of making the characters likable while simultaneously nailing the smart dialogue they are given.

Now, although this show isn't getting the due press it deserves, apparently I'm not the only fan. It's sort of become an underground hit, and recently got picked up for a second season. So why aren't more people talking about this show? I have no idea. Maybe it's better that they aren't. Now I need to get one thing out of the way - I only started watching it because a very talented friend of mine, Jordan Carlos, is in it. But by episode 1, I was hooked. And surprisingly, he was actually the weakest link of the whole damn thing. I'M KIDDING! He is great. Also, you can check out his amazing stand up here.

So, we can talk about all these new shows that, according to their own PR people, are "revolutionary", and what it means to relate to tortured 20 something's on TV, but I'd just like to watch a fun show that makes me laugh. So, please do yourself a favor and give it a chance.

FYI, this post has not been sponsored by I Just Want My Pants Back, unless they want to cast me in an episode as "the uncool older sister", in which case, it will be. Until then, here's some more shameless promotion of the show.

Get More: I Just Want My Pants Back, Full Episodes

Baby Talk

Dear God, let me count the ways this PSA for breastfeeding is so wrong. Let's start with the fact that this baby has a full set of teeth. My nipples just shriveled up and hid inside my body. Honestly, my lungs are being flashed as we speak. ("Heeey lungs!" - my nipples). Now, I know some people breastfeed for a long period of time, and it's a personal choice, etc. But there's nothing more repellent than a tiny baby who talks in general, so I don't know why they decided to make a CGI one for a breastfeeding campaign. I don't know about you but when I feed a baby, I won't want it talking back to me. Can we talk again about the teeth? Ok, I'll stop. I'll let you be the judge.

I'm Going To Hollywood!

In three days I'll be in LA and I'm so excited I might just do the Jesse Spano freak out. Not that the weather isn't great here, I'm just looking forward to doing cheesy tourist stuff. My friends get angry at me for turning into my mom and taking 3,454,234,429 pictures, but then after a trip they're always like, "Where are the photos? Post the photos!!!"

Speaking of Jesse Spano and caffeine pills, where can I get some of those? I feel like I've been running on empty for weeks getting ready for this trip among other things. Maybe now would be a great time to start a cocaine habit. I can't think of a better place to do that than in LA. Here's to Hollywood!

DON DRAPER SLEEPS WITH FAT BETTY

See how I got your attention there? Sorry, that hasn't happened (yet). I did that because it was pointed out to me recently by a friend that I shouldn't have posted about Mad Men last week so soon after the episode, because the subject line of my last post had a spoiler. So, many apologies to any of you for that! That being said, I'd like to dedicate a little bit of time to one of Mad Men's unsung heroes, Stan Rizzo.

For those of you not familiar with the show, and for those of you who are, Stan Rizzo is the meat head on the left. Yeah, he's the guy who looks like he was on his way to a Packers game after giving a wedgie to his neighbor's kid. It's kind of like the Mad Men casting department went to the Mall of America, blindfolded themselves, and waved their fingers around in circles before pointing at anyone with a backwards baseball cap and announced, "THAT one!" Yeah, that one. Truthfully, every time he is in a scene I'm like, "Who's that guy again?" Yes, yes I know he's been a big deal in a lot of storylines. I remember he was in a hotel room with Peggy when she got half nekkid. Yes, I watch the show. But for some reason, every time he's on screen I just go, "Wait, what?"

So here's to Stan Rizzo, the only member of Sterling Cooper Draper Price whose character name I had to Google. Congratulations, Stan, for eluding the security team at the front desk every day and making your way into SCDP and thus, various story narratives. To Stan!