Child Alert

So for those of you who don't know, the Duggar family has 4,523,144,127 children as a part of their child army, and the last one was just born early. Really early. At like, 1 lb 6 oz and 25 weeks old early. Maybe this is a sign that the army for god is ready for battle?*

* Sarcasm alert: I'm not joking. They really believe they are creating an army for god.

Oh Sorry

Someone just called the office and asked to speak to a Robin Twat. I sweat to god, I asked for the last name again just to be safe.

Average Day

So my hilarious friends, the ones who host a monthly comedy show, also have a web series called John and Molly Get Along. Well, they were nice enough to take pity on poor old Tempy here and let me join them. The balloons are not a prop- they follow me everywhere.

What The

Something is afoot in Norway, and not in that cool pickled herring kind of way. No, an inexplicable blue spiral permeated the sky and no one has any idea what it is. I'll let you draw conclusions. Personally I think aliens are trying to hypnotize the small town of Trøndelag into harvesting elkhound. But enough with the sparse Norwegian humor.

Style Watch

Ladies, the Shih-Tzu look is BACK!

Subway Smoke

2009 is the new 1989 b@#ches!

I haven't seen someone smoke on the subway in a long time. This takes me back. Of course, the guy needed to announce why and that he was about to do so, because he was a little crazy, but I didn't care. Check out lady friend on the left readying to watch an awesome NY fight when the guy in front of Smokey decided to say something.


Oh no, I don't think so.


Some idiot then hit the EMERGENCY BRAKE so we were caught in a smoke filled car just so the guy could tell the conductor "There's someone smoking in our car". Well, that was a major NY subway foul. Everyone then turned on the guy who hit the brake because everyone knows you don't do that. Just get off at the next stop. So now we're caught there in the tunnel in a haze of Newport.

Well at that point, smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Oh, and by the way uppity white subway guy, the argument, "Oh, I'll send you my medical bills if I get cancer," just does not work- you live in New York, there's pollution everywhere.

Oh, Canada

Well well well. The Toronto version of Metro went and got themselves into a little bit of trouble today when they accidentally posted a photo of a group of people, and the guy in the middle has his d@#k hanging out (page 12). It's not safe for work if you work in a place where people care. I will warn you again about that link. But I know you'll go on it. Go on.

Thank you, the land that brought us Raymi, Stephanie and Sweden. It is also now the home of Free Wang.

UPDATE: I'd just like let everyone know I took the original picture down when I found out the kid is in HIGH SCHOOL. Anyway...

Chair Design

Hmmm. I really want a chair that can turn into a couch, and then be an accordion which then becomes a flat piece of cardboard which then turns into a loveseat. Can we make that happen? Thanks.

Someone's Got A Case Of The...

Isn't it annoying when people are all posting on their blogs and Facebooks all, "Oh, no, it's Monday!" and are like, "Don't you hate MONDAYS?"

Ah, nuts, it's Monday.

Smart

I've hit a new low. My boss's sister is a huge Hollywood producer and we were just talking about how tough the business is these days, and even she can't get a movie made, actors are out of work, etc.

Me: Seriously, ok, I'm desperate. How about you ask her if in her next film I can have just one line like, "Here's your salad".

Bosslady: Really? Oh she can totally do that!

Me: (thinking *Wow, way to aim low Tempy. Next time ask for at least 5 lines*)

Funny Stuff

Wow last night's show was FANTASTIC! And not just because I made a guest appearance in the host's monthly web show. Although that was fun. No, the one, the only, Janeane Garofalo came and just went off for 10 minutes about so many things and she was hysterical. Plus she's whip smart- and did you know she's 45? I know, right? She looks great.

Overall all of the comedians were fantastic but I think my favorite lines came from comedian named Brooke Van Poppelen:

"When I was in my 20's, all the face washes advertised to me were all happy like, 'Wash your face with bubble gum and glitter!' Now that I'm in my 30's, all the ads are like, 'Let a team of scientists fix your face.'" Awesome.

But what was better than that was watching my 23 year old friend Molly, who is a fantastic female comedian, actually s@#t her pants when Janeane Garofalo shook her hand after her set. I said that to her too, later, "I saw that." She's like, "Me s@#tting my pants? Goddamn right".

Because Janeane Garofalo is one of those rare pop icons who not "traditionally" pretty girls can look up to. She's funny, dominates in a field where men outnumber the women by a lot, and she's genuine. PLUS she went up to my friend after her set and in a really nice way gave her some pointers. How cool is that?

Check out Garofalo in action:

Um Yeah

I'm going to my friend's comedy show tonight and Janeane Garofalo will be performing. My boss loves Janeane Garofalo.

Me: You should come!

Bosslady: What time is it?

Me: 8:00. And it's free!

Bosslady: You see, the cost of something usually isn't the reason I don't go to things...

This Shouldn't Be Funny

This post is brought to you by the best Brinks (now Broadview) home security commercial EVER:

Holiday Fun

It's 65 degrees in New York right now. I am all sorts of confused. Last I checked it was December. Heck, I even started sending out my Christmas cards.